- Cassie. Sarkisian
- Apr 19, 2020
- 5 min read
It's been a few days since my Little mocha has been gone. I catch myself looking for her in the places where she used sleep in her days. That alone sounds weird in itself. I am writing this in my favorite chair that she took over because of the blanket. I have sat here and thought about her, her life and standout moments that I will always remember. I can say I don't I will ever own other kitty after her because she was special one and I can't see myself letting another kitty in my bed. Like what my best friend said the other day when she heard about Mocha, " Mastermind mocha ". And she definitely lived up to that name to her very last moments.
I have been sitting here with my phone in my hand the last two hours trying to figure out what to say. So I am going to say lots of things that might not exactly make sense altogether. I made the decision unwilling to let Mocha go. She lived almost Sixteen years exactly, born April 3rd, 2004 and her final day was April 15,2020. On her last day, she let me put her in her carrier with no problem for the first time in her life but we both cried all the way to town and I had my right hand petting her through the carrier as I drove the slowest I could. Let me quickly say before I forget I like to thank Jonathan from Tehachapi valley vet hospital that help me ,help her after waiting in the full parking lot of pet owners. And I like to think it was her last and final sign to me because I was thinking about a person with the same name that day before I made that decision sitting in that full parking lot. And he told me she was the sweetest kitty when he took her back and she's not one to like strangers at all which also shocked me to and didn't fight when she heard the razor which also shocked me . When it came to her final moment, I held her in my arms tight in my car and she was looking up at the sky , she was gone in thirty seconds. I knew I had the right call even if it killed me and doing it alone. And he took off her collar when I couldn't do it myself, holding her in my arms in their kitty blanket. I was a complete mess after that, I asked if he could cut a piece of her fur so I could take it home with me. When he took her away from me for the final time, I sat in my passenger seat crying my eyes out for I don't know how long. And when I could move, I stood up on the payment, leaned on to the car door until I could breathe and take a step through what seem a rainstorm of unless tears and I couldn't believe she was gone and she wasn't coming home with me either. And when I stop at a red light and no one was around, I looked into that passenger seat hoping she would just reappear and meow at me.
Coming home after everything else I had that day, I looked around my space and saw her everywhere and every moment we had together as I cleaned up my room.
Mocha was my longest relationship ever and it will be one I hold tight to by heart always. Over the last few days,I have been looking for her in her favorite spots without even thinking or knowing I am doing it until a few moments later. I listen to my morning alarm and wait, wait for her to jump on my chest until I get out of bed but nothing happens. She would want me up so she could lay in my body heat before I made the bed after my cup of coffee. She lived well, she survived lots of things like being caught twice by two German shepherds,(King ) and (Gracie) side note the only reason they let her go because she peed on them in their mouth. She survived a week out in wilderness without getting attacked by anything when I first moved to the countryside . She found three rattlesnakes outside my bedroom window to warn me through out the summers she lived by the window seals . She's been my heated blanket before there were heated blanket made and then I had to convince her to let me have some of the heated blanket throughout the years.
Mocha was my favorite study partner when I went to school; she would seat on my back, my butt and head when I would lay on the floor for hours to distract me from my tasks. She once brought a headless bird to me in the house and to this very day ,no sign of head in sight... Let all hope she left it outside. My mocha has been through everything with me since the age of ten, through heartbreaks, broken bones, surgeries and the occasional sneak out also the numerous colds. I also remember the time she took out the little christmas tree set we had with her whole body trying to get the dangling ornaments. What I miss the most is hearing her little paws running up and down the hallway tile in the midnight hour because she's fully wake from her full day of naps. I miss seeing her little paw under the bathroom doors, telling me to let her in or she will open it and let me tell you she opened the door every single time regardless if I was in the bathtub or not. Today I made my bed with new sheets and it took me just ten minutes to make it but I missed the moment where she would roll all over the bed with the new warm sheets and not let me make it until I caught her first probably in her mind it was my cardio for disturbing here from her nap.
I feel out of place without her and I will probably be for a very long time with her being gone. Reflecting over the last few days and reflecting all of our years together. I can say through all her masterminding moments that we both really understood each other fully and she was my other half but in kitty form. I miss those head nudges for cuddles and kisses the most all.
My Favorite little Mocha in the world.
