Catching Autumn in November 2021

The autumn season is coming to a close in it's final month before winter season begins. I don't know what November has in store for us but I am sure it will be filled with things we need in our lives.

Before getting this month's monthly post , I was a bit absent last month. The Reason being there was a lot happening personally and professorially and time got away from me. As you might of seen my written piece about my Nene went up before this one. I was in my head the last month, I spend nights and many moments just lost in another world of my own thoughts. I had so much I want to say ,to express about her and then the anniversary of her passing came before I knew it . It was like my heart knew it and felt like I was reliving those nights of last year all over again. But by saying that I got through it and wrote about living without her presence. I felt that was the best way I could say what I was feeling and maybe I didn't tap into everything I felt in those words but my only hope is that I did her justice. Also I have the piece linked down below if you haven't read it yet. I hope you did read it and you do if you haven't.

Back to this month post, Can you believe we are already in November ! It feels like we are still in September in my opinion or maybe I am just in that blur of the season changing and daylight savings time happened. I can't believe we are even closer to the holiday season either, I mean what happened to the year? Who else is with me on that ? And just a secret between you and I ...I am not ready for turkey season or Christmas yet. And it just occurred to me that they are so close, it could be due to last year and it still feels like last year in way. I am not ready for those extra calories and to burn them off before Christmas. But I think once we are in the between the holidays with hot coco and family around it will feel more real to this year, like the warm hug we all have missed last year.

I will be releasing two book reviews this month from October reads. I am excited to share these two novels both polar opposites of each other in story lines but both of them are fictional novels. The first one is called The Book of Candlelight by Ellery Adams and the other is called 365 days by Blanka Lipinska. Both novels are both equally thrilling in there own way and I highly recommend both of them to anyone that needs a good book to escape to. So keep your eyes out for that spicy reviews coming your way very soon ! I finished them both fairly quickly back to back and I am currently reading a witch novel the prequel to practical magic. I thought it would be fitting for the spoke season and let me say so far it's a beautiful novel so far but I don't exactly to finish it to quickly just yet. I feel like this particular deserves a slow burn. And I am through with the novel in fact, maybe in fact you will get three book reviews in one. Lucky you guys! Just don't ask me how many books I haven't read in my library still. Let's agree I have a little problem of picking up books when I am out and about just like picking up a snack for the road on a trip.

On the writing front, I know you are all keen for more pieces. I would say, I know I keep repeating myself on this but more is coming. I have sticky notes of notes about things to write about. And unfinished stories that need to be finished.. to be honest they have been sitting in a few notebooks of stories that hold lots of raw feelings. Those pieces are the type of stories that meant to be release when they are meant to be read. Like I have always said before I believe my written pieces are meant to be shared when I get that feeling that someone out in this world needs to hear them, at least one person to know they are understood. To add a little tease factor I have had this little Christmas story on my heart to share for quite some time meaning a few years now. Maybe this year I will share it as my closer to the year, I have been tossing it around my thoughts lately since we are near the snowy season.

To end of this little very late monthly post because someone meaning me forgot to finish this on time again, I will be better next month! I promise ! I hope this month treats you right, the weather is enjoyable where you are located. I hope your family is happy, healthy and near to you all as well. I hope you are being successful in the path you are on currently. And like I said previously I will be adding so much to misread over the next few days, weeks. The book reviews will be posted most likely in one or two posts. So keep your eyes out for those! I will try not post everything close together that way you guys can enjoy them. A little secrets between you and I..I added a few new item in my store for black Friday! Happy little surprise! But I can't tell what they are , you have to go see what they are ! And wait to at least friday morning to see the new items !

Look at my Zazzle Shop:https://www.zazzle.com/store/cassiemisreadstore

If you don't see an Happy Thanksgiving post from me ,Happy Thanksgiving! I will cooking in the kitchen most likely all day long because some how one important meal takes all day but a normal meal takes one hour versus what feels like twenty- fours hours to eat it a plate of food in thirty minutes. How, I don't even understand anymore but at least the food is worth the wait .

From my family to yours , I hope the day is beautiful one and all your friends and family around and above all that the feast is perfect!

Always,

Misread.

See you sooner than later!

Dear Marie : Life without your presence

Disclaimer: This took me a few days to write and let it sit for awhile in my own world. And debated if I should share this and let people into another chapter of my personal life. Dear Marie is about my Nene, my bestfriend and I miss her every second of everyday and I wish my phone would ring and she would be on the other end of that call. If this moves you to tears, I am sorry in advance and know that's never my intent to bring anyone to tears.

In the last few weeks, I have been restless and feeling out of placed in world. I find myself staring into my white ceiling of space till two am just thinking away about life in general, the little things to the big things in life. My television on with one of favorite drama shows fading in the background and yet I wasn't there even watching it. I spent those restless night writing away every I want to say down on paper or keying away and yet nothing seem tangible to put down in physically. They seemed trapped in my own mind and my heart like permanent tattoos of unsaid moments.

And in this moment currently the exact words still escape me. Please forgive me if this all seems backwards and I might repeat myself. Where to start is an understatement of the century.

Today is the day after anniversary of my Nene's passing. And it still feels like it happened yesterday not a year ago in reality. Walking into the same church ,I sat next to her for so many weddings is the moment that feels unbearable for her one year year anniversary . Picturing her next to be on my left, dressed up nicely, her hair done and hearing about her shoes already make her feet sore then handing me her purple iPad with these words, " You make video put on bookface". Yes, I did; if you were wondering if I recorded the video for her. Yes, I was the one in the back left pew recording a wedding as subtle as one could after the loud beep of the recording button being pushed.

In a reality standing in the same church that everyone I know has gotten married in, baptized in; took me back to another time, another life. In the crowed Armenian church of 2021, the smell of burning candles behind me floating in the air above; I closed my eyes and floated away to a time when I was a little girl. I don't remember why were at the church for in the first place but I remember, her being in a simple black dress wearing pearls on her neck and I was in a white and yellow outfit possibly a poke dot style but don't quote me on the style part. I remember her teaching me how to light the candle in my little hand properly and taught me the proper way make the Sign of the Cross in Armenian. Feeling of her right hand on my hand to show me facing the lighten candles, I felt that same moment all over again the same church Twenty- Seven years later on white oak over mine. The warmth of her soft hand touching my little hand then and when I placed the candle for her without her to hand guide me now. The smell of her perfume she used to wear everyday ,I caught a whiff of it over the smell candles opening my eyes as I let my prayer go unspeakable moment that I kept to myself.

Watching the room of full of families that I know and those I don't around that crowed church, listening to priest and choir singing; I was reliving moments from all those years ago and wishing she was here in the same pew where we sat together a few years ago. Looking at that pew from where I stood, I wish she could see the little babies that were just born in the family, I know that would make her smile and at the same time question me why I haven't given her a great -grandchild. Then getting into the same , "Nene lecture" of marriage and children came to my head, " You need one husband and make babies. You are my daughter, you need kid not puppies. But No Money ,No Hunny." And that's the short version and straight to her point. Then my response back , "Took much work, I haven't found one, no one wants me." Then her last response would be , "No worry, I will find one for you and one for me". Standing in that church with a mask on , I am smiling there just listening to her and trying not to cry.

When it came to reading of the names of those her passed on, hearing her name didn't seem real to hear and yet I still think she would just appear from the crowd and say, "No". After her name was spoken then the names of kin came next. When I heard my own name spoken by the priest in a English accent ,he said Casey not Cassie. Making eye contact with some family members all I could do is try not to laugh out loud in such silence because I am thinking about another memory that came to mind. I was thinking about the times when she would write in my birthday cards, Christmas cards each year, sometimes it was to Casey not me exactly but close. Looking back at those times, I never correct her on that either it's what made her special. And maybe that was her funny sign to me without anyone noticing why it was funny to me at least.

Visiting her that day after church, I could feel her presence but not actually touching her with the light breeze flowing. Placing the flowers for her and my Dede seemed to be a dream still not reality. But our family circle around them felt too real for it to be a dream. Standing there holding hands, I can hear voice around me, remembering all the conversation we had together. The voicemails she left on my phone that I still have. The smell of the incense floating in the wind, all of us with our head down saying our thoughts to both of them after prayer. Leaving never seems real, never seems right either as time feels thin each time. As much time I spent with her, with them and the memories I have on my heart, in photographs still feel as if it wasn't enough time either.

Went to a brunch with family around felt like she was the missing piece even if it was for her. Sitting with family I haven't seen in while, just being with them felt like all those all parties, family gatherings with her and I felt like I was waiting for my Nene to seat next to me holding my hand.

Just being in the moment with aunties and uncles talking about her was the most precious thing. Taking about the few things I figured out her recipes without any of her recipes on hand like she has said all my life, "You taste and you know to put more or no more". Finding out Mujadarah is the hardest one to get down, After our second attempt we figure it out. One of the most beautiful thing was hear Nora talking about her, saying how they would have coffee all the time together each week. And growing up I can remember all the wiser ladies and men would gather together and have a mid afternoon coffee each week. When I heard those words I remembered those exact words being spoken by my Nene which I found beautiful.

Looking around the group that joined I see them not as who have aged to but who they all were to another lifetime ago. I can picture my Nene asking someone to help her get something from her car. Knowing full well she was suppose to bring one thing to the party and the back seat was full of platters as if she was cooking for hundreds of people or an army, Cheese borrege, Sarma, Dolma and cookies in-between the other trays. Then head to the kitchen with the platters where all the other ladies are making food for a party. I can see cousins running around playing with each other and now they are adults now. I see my grandfather with his nephews each one of them having a small coffee ,talking and maybe having a cigarette as well after the meal. Also they all share a cheeky grin with each other, I was always wondered if they were up to something but then again they were always smiling. And the younger version of uncles with father around the older gentlemen to but joking around and playing basketball at the same time. Then the ladies would seat down for a minute or two and share a cup of coffee as well, chatting life while holding little ones well. That's what I see another life in another time and yet in the present time too. I can smile about those memories and the memories forming currently.

Dear Marie, I wish you were here right now, in the kitchen the smell of your cooking floating our house. I wish you could tell me how to make all the recipes all over again. I wish I could see you walking in those rose pink slippers in the kitchen. I wish you tell me that we need a vacation to Las Vegas and party the night away. I wish you can tell me that I need to give you great-grand kids. I wish you would call me to explain my father's bookface post of the day to you. I wish I could be watching Big fat Greek Wedding for the one hundredth of time cuddling in bed. I wish I could hear you and Dede's love story one more time. I wish you were braiding my wet curly hair one more time and hear that lullable that you would sing each grand child to sleep. I wish you would be at my wedding, seeing grandbabies and to every special moment in my life. I wish the most to hear the words, " I won't worry and no never."

So, " Nene Don't worry , Don't forget me. Love you."

The unexpected part of life is time. Time can be pulled from us any second and I think sometimes we don't even realize it's happening at the same time of our presence. And if the past year has taught us Time can't be slowed down, even if we tired to make it slow down ,we can't. That we should do everything we desire to in this life, spend time with all of those in our hearts. Let things go, Fix things physically, emotionally with everyone that means the most to them. And Say things you want to say with your heart and soul because one day those words can never be spoken to those who needs to hear them. Never let time get ahead of you.

Thank you for reading this, I hope you enjoyed it and I didn't bring anyone to tears. That wasn't my aim to but to share what's on my heart and a reminder that time can't be paused and make things count in life. And if you read my original post last year, I thank you. And if you haven't read it before, please do; I have it link down below. I think looking back at all of my other work as a whole I ever written in life her piece is one that can't be repeated by my hand or out written by anything else I write from now on, ( In my opinion at least ) and I put every fiber of my being into those words. I Just hope I did her justice as she showed love to everyone she knew or came by. And her presence is missed but I know she around in her own way.

My love always,

Little Cassie

The Book of Lost Names Book review

MORE Than a Five STAR Rating !!!!!!

This September month's Book Review is about The book of Lost Names by Kristin Harmel. Yes it's another Historical fiction world world two novel. Let me just say I just finished this book and I still feel like I am part of the novel, living the story as my it's my own life in the sense ;maybe a past life. When I say towards the end of the novel it was part of me, I had dreams of living it. I don't know why I did but this novel stuck to me in the best ways, I will try to explain why. Bottom line before I get into it , you need to buy this novel ,end of story!

My very first thought starting the novel Kristin had me within the first few lines and I couldn't even put it down and when I had to my thoughts were about it. I was hooked completely and if you read my last book review, this one blew it out the water instantly. A little heads up there are two timelines through out the novel from May 2005 to back in June 1942 but as reader you barley even notice the changes between the two. Which is bonus in my opinion being such a well written novel. It feel like being right beside Eva Traube as a young graduate student through Eva Traube Abrams in her golden years.

This story is about Eva Traube in her golden years sees her book , The book of Lost Names on the front cover of the New York Times. The book that she risked everything for in her former life sixty- five years ago. And a secret to an answer that haunts her for all these years lies with the pages. Going back in time to rescue not only the book but who she was and when her story began forced out of Paris when her father was arrested. Also becoming a skilled document forger along the way to save the lost children.

"The book I last laid eyes on more than six decades ago.

The book I believed had vanished forever."-The Book of Lost Names

I wish If there was a real book of last names in every "War" in the past, in the present. So those have been lost, have been taken can be remembered. Given back to those who lost them the most. I can highly relate to that and I why I created Misread to never be forgotten. In the world we live now, there are stories that no one knew about war, I am hopeful that maybe someone was creative to do something like for the world to find eventually.

Before the last chapter or towards the ending, I had my own thoughts how she would write the end. And it tossed my thoughts towards the opposite direction because I didn't think she would of went there, its hard to explain. In the last three pages of the novel, I literally shouted, holy( fill in the blank here.) out loud. I had just no words, mind blown on how it finished. I don't even want to give away a word about it , I would spill everything in seconds. I only wish in the reality, could have a love, a story as Remy and Eva have. Kristin Harmel needs to a part two ( An extension) of their story. I need to know more about them as individuals and about their days apart to the days.

And if you were wondering , why this review is a bit short. I meant it to be like I said before I am trying very hard not to spoil one bit of the book because it's such a worthy read. So purchase a copy and see why I kept my book lover mouth shut as much as I could. I need someone that already read the novel so I can spill my thoughts fully .

Best wishes,

Misread.

P.s More is coming , Get Ready ! Prior Blog posts are linked down below.