Who she is

Author Note :I wrote this piece for Me and a reminder for the girl that I often forget is still me no matter what age I am. Who she is and is still Me and that's the end of the story. Take it or leave it Who she is a piece close to my heart and why it was so hard to write because it's about pulling back the curtain of the woman everyone else sees and assumes who she is. So, ladies out there No matter how strong we are, we still have a girl’s heart that lives through us. And a great love is out there for you unconditionally.

Arriving a little after nine am in her warm blue cardigan sweater with a white tank, jean shorts and white sandals, nothing else besides cash in right jean pocket. With her schedule free empty day, she orders her white Lavender Mocha and picks the corner window facing the sea and the pier side on this warm Friday. Staring out the window of the Oak coffee shop by the beach shore like she always does once a year to let her thoughts linger away without anything besides a cup of coffee or two in hand. In this coffee shop where no one knows her and she doesn't know anyone either but just an ordinary girl in the world. On this day there happen to be a " Love in the air" festival filled with couple theme activities, booths and races. She took a few sips of coffee as she watched everything happening on the beach shore, she ended up drifting away sitting in the pearl white stool. Thinking about her dreams and sweet longing of her thoughts just as the announcement of the opening of the festival with heart shaped balloons float in the air.

She lets her mind float away as the sea tides goes in and out. She wonders about love for her in all aspects and it leads her to the past and dreams she has.

She wants to be close with someone physically, take a long walk on the beach hand and hand for a blissful moment. She always watched the couples walk hand and hand with one another from the same coffee shop over the years. And she always wondered if the couples just met or was it their spot where they first met, years ago. She wonders if she that simple walk will ever happen

with a loving genuine soul. And be completely in love with someone to fill the empty spot in her heart and her soul as she wished for a long time ago.

In her reality She had mini relationships, she had conversations, she had close calls, she had long- distances relationships. And yet she meets ones whom she thought loved her until they left her when her heart was on the line, alone. And she would start all over again each time, being in her thoughts and in her emotions. She would cry for hours, blaming herself for anything and everything that went wrong, she would stop eating for a few days because she would be too numb in her soul to consume a piece of candy. She would write her feelings down on pages throughout the silence of her days and she threw herself in all work possible. Her own heart stops beating the right way for a while and yet she would put on a smile for the world around without knowing she's hurting in the inside. After that she goes out with friends to just be around and away from herself. She's waited for true love to happen, she wonders if it’s meant to appear in this life or the next. She’s the girl that's never been asked out on a proper date and is still waiting each day if that day will come by.

She's been told, "She's too complicated or she's too Intimidating talk to". And yet they seek her in conversations anyway. She's been told," she doesn't know who is she and doesn't know what she wants." She would say," I am not looking for anything and I am not the type of the girl you are looking for". And things start as friends after a while things take a turn and she falls in love without realizing until it's faded away into two strangers again. There has been only one she approached in her lifetime and took a chance on him. Sometimes she will never know why they left in the first place without a word. After a repeated cycle of that, it took her a long time to walk back into herself as the woman she knows and a heart of a girl.

Looking out through the glass and staring at the crowd, she knows exactly who she is and what she wants. She's the girl who holds her protected heart close, she's too kind to those sometimes doesn't deserve her to be. She's tries to help everyone she can along the way and works hard every day even on the days she can't stop crying. She prayed for one person to be unconditional and faithful. And at the end of day wouldn't leave her hurting in her soul. She's the one who stands in her truth, even if she's the bad person in the scenario and the one who forgives everyone first before herself. And she wants to have a life full of bliss while sharing that along with someone. She wonders if that's a tall order to ask for in someone without knowing them yet.

She used to write love notes to someone that never existed just to express the love she has to give. Letters to her future, of what were her wishes were, the birthdays she had and what he missed out on in a day. And the notes about her rough days that no one even knows about to this very day. Those notes are hidden away and she wonders why she ever stop writing them in the first place?

Thinking back from her long drive on highway one up before meeting her destination here. when she stopped and ventured out for a break into a local card shop. Looking at the husbands and wives searching for the right card to express the words, they always wanted to say but didn't know how for valentine’s day. She picked sweet cards for each family member back home. There was a romantic card that spoke to her as she reached for the white card with red handwritten words on it. And yet she couldn't put it down but she didn't have anyone to give to either. She took all the cards in hand and paid for them. Before leaving the parking lot she sat and opened the card she was drawn to Titled,'' The Meaning of Love” She sat for a few moments and read each panel of the card line by line. By reaching the end of the card, she grabbed a pen from the console and wrote; " When I am with you, I will know the meaning of love". After sealing the red envelope, she wrote

"To my Future" on the top. She then hid the card in her luggage bag for safe keep and out of sight from herself and continued on her journey without thinking about it.

Coming back into the reality of the world around and where she is. She looks away from the large crowd still outside, she closes her eyes and a single tear leaves her hazel eye. Resting her right hand under her chin and wipes the silent tears forming away, she continues on. She previously thought, she could get through the stage bringing someone into her world and meeting his but things always collapsed before the thought could entertained. One day she would like to past that stage comfortable and confidently as well. Her mind continues to wonder more about her future and about what if's. She wonders if her father will ever give her away at her wedding and accepting the man she fell in love with unconditionally. Seeing her father shake his hand with a tight firm grip and leave her with a kiss on her forehead. Turning her head to the crowd of loved ones behind them to see the faces of pure joy and looking back at the man who helped her grow into a better woman. Every wedding she has gone to in her lifetime thus far, she always watched the groom reaction to seeing his bride to be. The look each man gave was always the same expression on his facing, " I knew you are my one" and leans in his bride ear to tell her something/ That single second of expression without words thats exactly, what she wants to see happen for herself one day. She sees herself being married one day and only being married once; she wonders if that's a dream to far from her reach.

She often wonders if having children of her own is in the cards for her as fate or is it a dream to be had. She always expressed that she probably won't have any and yet she prayed to be a mother one day and raise them with every fiber of her being. The names she had always loved, popped into her train of thought, if she did ever have them. After a breakup that no one knew about , the very next day a little boy crawled into her lap and she couldn't help but get teary eyed. The thought of her nieces and nephews back home come to her mind makes her smile and the beautiful chaos they create within seconds of hi's. Sometimes she refuses to watch the little wonders because it makes her think of the possibility of never having few of her own. And people constantly whispering in her ear that she would make a wonderful mother because she already takes care of everyone without a thought in her mind to do anything else different. Remembering the words people leave her in emails, text messages and in hand written cards about her, make her heart a bit more tender. And those sweet words, she keeps in a white shoe box on the top shelf in her closet. She used to open that box on occasion when new babies were being born around her but she stopped opening that box, five years ago after her last niece was born.

She watches from the bay window with coffee in hand, she hopes everyone in the world will find their other half of their soul. And for all the blessings come for each one, still standing on the pier. As she will be waiting for her other half. The question is if she will be waiting forever or will it happen in another lifetime. That is always her conclusion at the end of each trip in the small beach town. Leaving a five-dollar tip in the mason jug, she walks out the shop and leaves the smell of the coffee aroma behind her and breathes in the California sea air. Finding the sea beaten wooden stairs to the sparkling sandy beach floor and slips off her sandals to start her half mile journey walk home.

She walks back to her small blue beach house on the edge of bungalow. She always ends this particular trip with her shoes in hand and walk barefoot along the sandy edge and lingering slowly as the sun sets over the horizon starts to make a lightshow appear, before it fades away into dust then night sky stars takes form and that's her favorite show of them all. Even the thought of seeing the million of stars in the sky in a few hours brings a little smile to her face.

Watching the blue sky turning different shades of dark blues, light pinks, and an orange ray in between and for a single moment, she lost her breath before her, taking in the light show. She stood closer to the low tide waves a little more, letting the cold sea water hit her legs and toes. Taking in the sight, the smell of the fresh sea air and the smell of seaweed as well. Closing her eyes softly, listening to the nearly empty shore that was once busy of the crowd, she hears the crashing of the waves hitting the boardwalks, the wings of the birds flying around and the little children laughing the background, finishing up their sand castle. She took a deep breathing in while opening her eyes again to the world around and when she does, she sees a flock of birds flying across the sunset one last time before she turning back on her heels into her walk home. Opening the white French door to the house and dropping her shoes on the ground, she notices her cell phone left on the dining table blinking with a white light. She opens her phone and sees an unknown number with a text message, "You are loved and things will happen in divine timing". Just when she finished reading the text, a rainstorm started and she put her palm on the window glass as a thank you to the person and to the universe. She never knew who sent her that message on that day but it was a message that she needed to hear and something she will always remember. And what is meant will be true for her in the end and things in between will be the chapters to her book. Until next year, no one will know her inner thought besides her and that oak coffee shop by the sea.

New piece coming soon: will be a love story ( She made the first move and he made the last move )

Hope to hear from you soon. I truly hope you enjoy this one, as I did expressing it and writing it.

Love always,

Misread

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Paragon's Chapter

Paragon

Three years later, I walk into a home that used to be ours for the first time again. All that was left behind hasn’t moved but has collected dust. Each step across the tile floor, started to get painful but I had to bear it, for that special memory to look at it for the last time. Knowing that this will be the last time forever meant more than ever but doing it without you felt so wrong.

Taking breaks throughout the house seems to last forever. My strength was getting weaker and falling to my knees seem to be easier then moving at all. But I must see it one way or another, it’s my only day to see it alone. Seeing things as they were in rooms, seems if we never left at all. Almost. Seeing a pair of sneakers at the door, the fake hydrangeas in the tall baby blue vase that your mom got us in the living room. Our wedding day picture the one on the mantel above the fireplace; where you carried me out of the church unexpectedly; it’s my favorite picture.

Making my way to the dining room seem to be harder. Looking at the table still set for our last meal, never happened with forks, and knifes on the wrong side of the plates, just how we liked it but our mothers would change them around. Remembering all those crazy, non-logical conversions that somehow makes sense in the end. I can see that time when the turkey went flying off the table and hitting my father out of his chair. I can’t help but smile a little as my tears continue to fall on the hardwood floors.

One more room until I see those big windows doors leading into the backyard and to our tree. Taking in a deep breath and rise from the floor. I close my eyes and replayed that last day together once more as I walk down the hallway. Reaching the kitchen, I see you in a green hoodie and jeans, sitting at the island once again; I remember reaching for the coffee to pour into my cup that said, “Be Brave”. I turn around and you threw your hands down on to island’s counter, “I need a change and move away.” And I said, “Okay, change is good, let’s move then “. I remember those eyes that day they weren’t yours. “Not us, me. Alone. We are in the past. Two different people , chasing what could of been and what was us. We changed, I changed. We just can't be together anymore.” That’s all you said to me and those were your last words. all I could say to you was “Okay”. Nothing more, nothing less.

You walked out of the room and out the door you went. I can see myself then and shrinking into the floor crying for hours, thinking, and repeating “Okay”. I remember not moving until our moms came over to check in because I haven’t answered a phone call since you said those words. They walked into our home, calling our names. I didn’t say a word as they walked into the house, I just threw my arm into the air with the cup. They rushed over put the mug on the island and sat alongside me until I could breathe again.

We sat and prayed for a while about our families, strength to move in life and wishing for healing to take over the pain you went through and continue to go through. Hoping for the future to have good things to come sooner than later. You will never know what happened after you walked out that day. I am grateful to have had them there, to process the sight that happened before my eyes.

Back to reality I am in the doorway of the kitchen. I see that mug, it was washed but it never moved from that spot since that day. I threw my keys, my wedding ring and key chain into it. Turning away from it before I can burst into too many tears and run back out the front door. I look at the ground, I see the sun’s reflection on the floor from those from those doors, I dreamed about so countless times before. Looking up from the sandstone tile, I see through those giant windows around the doors. I see our tree, our future, our happiness, what was and what could have been forever but it’s a dream. I walk up to those doors, putting my hands to the glass for a few moments has I rest my head as well. Has I stood there in silence, my tears rolled down my cheeks but they are happy tears. Whispering to no one, “I made it here after so long, I am sorry I am home for you.”

I unlock the doors for the first time in a long time, hearing the door handle squeak, we were always meant to fix that. I step down the steps to the concrete patio and walk across to the green grass to meet an old friend. Looking at her, she looked healthy with aged to perfection, like a fine wine since I saw her last. I see you again, in this reality but in the past. When we brought    those lights and many date nights in that tree. I haven’t been this happy for a while; I just wish nothing happened and you were here with me. Dropping to my knees into the soft grass; I realized why I couldn’t let go of this house. This was our life, I always prayed that you would be at the front door steps when I drove by. Also, I never wanted to relive the pain, but remember you then. Letting this go would be the last of us, together.

I see myself wrapped in lights and you laughing on the grass. Our thumb war about who’s going up the tree first. Releasing everything I had from that day and about days before and what the universe does, all I could do is laugh. Deciding to lay on the grass the last time, to look up the branches in the sky for one last time, I see the backyards gate in process and I could have used it but I had to see us before I came out here. Closing my eyes, I can hear nothing but the birds, my breath, and the light breeze in the air for a few moments; I forgot was even there.

Knowing there is one more thing I need to do. Opening my eyes, I took off my sandals and walked up to the tree with my arms open wide.  Before I started climbed up, “let me climb up one more time, Please”. Climbing the tree, I hear those moments, the nights, the laughter and just what I wanted to hear all this time. Reaching the thick branch where we spent most nights, it took longer than I originally thought but it was worth it beyond measures. Turning towards the hills and mountains, they were beautiful just like I remember maybe even better. Leaning on the side of trunk, I listen taking in the world above and around me. I could just seat there for days, it’s been too long. I haven’t been able to relax like this in the world in forever.

 My phone keeps going off for the last four hours, finally decided to answer it. "Honey its mom, heaven sense, where are you? We have been calling you and everyone is at your house, your sisters, your brothers, and cousins. Remember the potluck dinner tonight? " I started to laugh like I used to, "Mom I am home". "No, you aren't because you are not here!" " Mom would you breathe for a moment, I am at my once upon a time home, I made it to the door, into the house and I am in the tree. I have been here a while but mom I need something." "What is it?" "I need you to bring everyone over here for the potluck, a few boxes of lights and decorations. Mom, do you hear me? I am ready to let it go."  I hear her sniffing "You sound happy, sweetheart “she’s crying a little more, "Honey, you just sound free again, that's all. We will bring everything in a half an hour, everyone is leaving now." I smile," Thanks mom."

 I had to make one more call, I didn't expect myself to do, but it felt right, not call. Dialing the number for once with good news."Hey lovey lady, I am calling to tell you something good. I know it's been awhile since I called last but I must tell you this. I made it inside the door, into the house and I am now up the tree and I feel happy. Can you bring everyone here, my family is coming to and we are going to have our potluck here one last time. Please don't tell him, please this for my healing and I want to stay happy like this it may not last. Hearing my mother - in - law crying over the other side made me cry a little, in an uplifting way.  "Honey, I am glad you called, we all miss you. Yes, I can do that, we will be there soon. You sound free, I know why you haven't called in a while but I am glad you called today to tell me. Do you need anything else?" "One more thing, a few lights for the tree." She laughs and said, "That tree needs more lights, no problem. See you soon and please don't fall."

 Closing my eyes again, listening to the wind and I can smile easy and my heart feels alive again. I looked up to the branch above, where our initials exist, still there. I remember how I had to hold your legs in place to do that. "Don’t let me go, remember whose idea this is, if something happens".  I said," It was yours ". I rolled my eyes then as I rolled them now. I move to the side of the tree and stood on the branch the best I could. Then grabbed my arrow bracket around my wrist and started to crave, " love you always" near our initials. If my mother could see me know, she would have a heart attack. This is the most dangerous thing I have done in years.

 Hearing laughter below and " Jesus, Mary, Joseph “. I knew my family made it. I only smile and continue to crave, " I will be done in a few moments and be right down". Once I reached the earth again, my family stops what they are doing and come straight towards me. I started to run just like I used to as a child until, my brothers caught me. One big hug started to form between twenty- eight people was magical force, all the love in the air, each other's hand connecting with another. Everyone seem to be healing to, standing there together for a while until we all had tears of happiness and nothing was spoken but there was many words  change between each pair of eyes.

 Hearing more voices through the gate, the rest of my blended family coming into our hug and we continue to be still for a while longer. All I could think in these unique moments, "The universe wanted me to heal my pain just like this. It just took a while to get here in this place ". Taking a breath in, "Okay, now that we are all here together. Who's ready to add more lights to this beauty, she needs a little makeover? “As we separate I see four boxes of lights and decorations. Each person had strings of lights and decorations, we start to decorate the giant just like a Christmas tree in the middle of the spring season. Taking breaks between us and eat from the potluck spread. Feeling normal again, I can see my big family happy too.

 By the time we were all done, we just stared at her and relaxed on blankets, chairs, benches, and buckets.  The transformation she went through took about three hours all together but she looked glorious now. She had white lights, blue lights, multicolored lights, and a few twinkle lights wrapped around. She had paper lanterns, Stars, hearts, and arrow tacked on her branches. everyone wrote a message or a word to give her a little more love she deserved. She stood there with her twisted branches reaching to the lord above, touching the homes next to her, she belongs like this. Waiting for the sun to set for the day, the neighborhood started to come through the gate. It seems the tree wanted to bring everyone together that was ever a part of our lives for a moment or is still around us now.  The moments started to feel like a book written down and coming alive in my life.

When the sun started to come closer, I started to scale back up the tree. Going up the tree faster before the sun sets completely. I reached the middle of the tree and I see. "I Miss You" written in the tree, I have never seen it before and I wonder if you ever wrote it. Moving my hand over it and thought, "Miss you more". And continued to climb a little further to reach our spot and the sunset was a spectacular sight to see.The lights came in after the sunset, there were numerous Awe’s and clapping. I sat there looking around myself in lights taking over my sight a little. I feel happy and yet alone with tears coming down endlessly. Then the lights went out all the sudden and hearing people down below trying to fix the problem. I couldn’t move an inch if I wanted to but I knew somehow the lights would come back on. My family had flashlights shining towards the tree to try to get me to come back down. I had to tell them, “The tree wants me to stay up here until the lights come back on.”

 Looking back at the night hills and the mountains I slightly prayed for a miracle to occur, any miracle would do but one. Hearing your name is not what I expected for a miracle. I thought I must of be losing my mind now. Then the lights came on, I looked up again towards the sky for an answer but my answer to my miracle was down below. My eyes saw you in this reality, different and yet the same but with a relief across your face. I am not one to question life’s signs but in this instance, I had to. You walked towards the tree and turned your old blue baseball cap on your head. Then you started to scale up the tree and I wanted to run back into the night sky of my dreams. But I am about two stories high from the ground to move.

 Nowhere to go but watch you move on to our branch say, “I should have never said not us”. All I could do is stare into you and say nothing. “I never had regrets in this life but I mourned that very sentence and that day all together. I couldn’t just come back to you like I was when I came home. I had process everything without anyone including my wife, alone.” A quiet tear escaped down my left cheek then another while I look at you. You smile and say nothing else for a moment as if I am dreaming slowly into my wishes of reconnecting. “I come by here often, hoping I would just see you and explain, how sorry I am but you were never here when I was. But then I saw all these cars out front tonight and the tree lights came on. I had to see if you were here but I couldn’t bring myself to move. Until the lights turned off suddenly and I heard a voice say, “She’s home”, I started to run down the street towards the house. I walked through the gate and the lights turned on then I saw you up the tree, my heart jumped like the first day I saw you.

Closing my eyes and drawing an eight on my left had with my fingertips. Before I could speak, my soul took a few breaths, “I know you had to. I prayed each time, I would stop here that you would be here too. I could never bring myself to walk through the front door until today in three years. Looking at you finally I see tears rolling down your face to. Slightly wishing I could touch you even for a second and you reached for my hand then I put my hand into yours. Meeting your eyes with mine, “I just need to know, did you write I miss you in this tree?” Your green eyes stared into my hazel eyes for a few heartbeats pass by.  You wipe your tears and say, “Yes I did, this morning. I had to leave a sign for you, if I ever saw you again. I had to tell you that I think of you daily in less words. You are my life, our families will always be connected into one, this house is our home and no one else’s. this tree brought us together again because we belong here, together. I can promise right now, you are the one and the only one who keeps me, me and I never want to leave you alone in this world ever again even for a heartbeat. Our hearts know it’s true and our hands are destined to hold each other forever in pain and in happiness. I know I walked away once but I will never do that to you. Please let’s come home, together”.

I wrapped my other hand around ours and said, “I can’t handle you walking away from me a second time in this life, it will break me and I don’t know if I can come back from that. I want to come home to with you. I want to build our loves from scratch to a point and have our dreams come true, together. Shaking your head, “I am going to kiss you for the first time in a long time”. But I had to stop you for a moment, “Tell me something funny first. “You laughed and it was good to hear that, “Remember when fell when the lights were stuck on you and pulled me down with you. One of the best days, we had besides when I picked you up in your dress, priceless”. I smiled, “I said tell me something funny. “you winked, “It was. You know it was, you just don’t want admit.”

 Moving close to each other, we kissed and the lights flashed a few times. We broke our overdue kiss and smiled at each other like we were kids all over again. Looking at the night before us and my head resting on your shoulder, “We need to give her a name after all she deserves one now, she brought us together again.” You leaned your on head onto mine, “Yes, we do. She’s a paragon of our destiny.”  The past three years seem to blur together and nothing has happened ever. After seating, up there together for an hour, we decided to come down. We reached to the ground and everyone had smiles in their eyes and happiness on their faces. Hugs going around and everyone in our lives seem to be uplifted more than ever. I know our new future holds, our roots belong and always meant to be here. She taught us to never letting go until you can’t do it anymore and life will take care of you in unexpecting ways that you never expected from the beginning.

Tree Lights

As I am sitting here looking at the sun going down turning into dusk, I envisioned that tree in our backyard we once had together.That intoxicating wild tree that stood alone which pulled us into wanting the house even more. And the first thing we did after buying our home was to fill a cart with tons lights that should never go together in any setting .Then we opened each box and lit them up on the grass. That's when we started to laugh about how much lights we actually bought for one tree ,at the same time we realized that we trapped ourselves within the lights.

From all the laughter we had together, we had a serious moment that I will never forget.

you said," Well who's going up the tree? Because I am not." We ended up playing thumb war to figure out who  would go up the wild tree. But we had lost count of who was ahead and who was losing.

Together we adventured up the tree and held each other hands at certain points. Going up that tree  with you were the best moments I could ask for to be in life.

It took us the whole day to put up those lights and the other essentials. But nothing could beat the view we had that very night. I remember sitting next to you with the red striped blanket wrapped around us and thinking, " This is life and where I was met to be".I remember each date night , we had  always ended up that wild lit tree. The fire department  should of been called at some point but they weren't. We shared so many sweet kisses and many happy moments that will  never amount  to anything more special  that I would ever feel again.

 Our breath in the night's air and our soft hand holding is what I missed the most from those times. That last night we had together in the tree was the most important. You were going off to the other side of the world for two years.

 We still stay together and connected by letter and once in a while a phone call. But something was off and I could feel it in in my soul. I thought ,"Maybe it was just miss cues". But I was wrong.

 Then something happened that I will never forget. I had a call from your area and I was excited but I heard a voice that wasn't yours. And I started to lose my everything. Things went into a blur and all I heard was," he is a little gone  but he is still whole. I promise." Things went quiet , I couldn't say a syllable in that moment and for days after that.

 That following week you and your brother in arms come home. You looked the same to me that dark brown curly hair with your old denim baseball cap and your clear cut dark green eyes. But as you came  closer there wasn't that smile, I knew so well for so many years.  Things changed and you changed too.

 As the days went on, you weren't the same. You were quiet ,lost and didn't want to be bothered  about what had happened to you. What happened on the other side of the world was never repeated. I stare at you , when you aren't aware of it and I think in my head,  " I am here, I am here , just look please".

 W hen we did talk , it just a mixed jumble of sentences that doesn't make sense. We had lost our way of us overall. There was rarely a smile or two ever exchanged. We act as if we were two strangers living in someone else's house.

Ten Months later. You woke up one morning and  said," I am done, I want to leave this place and be somewhere else , I need a change and move away".  I said  , " Okay, change is good, Let's move then". But then you said," No, Not us, me Alone. We are in the past. Two different people , chasing what could of been and what was us. We changed, I changed. We just can't be together anymore". Life stood still for the longest time. All I could say was " Okay".

 That week we made plans to move and to leave each other. It was the worst time period in my life to go through but it wasn't the end. I brought  the smallest studio apartment I could fine. And you went to leave with a buddy. There was no good bye hug nor a kiss , just a nod and quietness between us  I kept that house but never walked back into that place since the day we left.

 When I feel alone in the world, I drive by there with my house key and my wedding band on a key chain. I always think I could  walk through the house and out to our tree. But I never can, I just sit  in the parked driveway and cry for hours until I have none left to give.

 It was the house we chose to live together, raise our children in and grow old. The kids would play up the tree and  we would chase them down the tree.

 We had so many plans for our lives. Now, plans are change but I still hope one day that things would go back to where they used to be. Maybe I am still holding on to the past. But I am not going to give up as long as we are alive I will wait. Even if that I Mean forever. Remember our promise, "Stay when things are tough and a little rough but never forget  what is worth it". You are worth it then and now. You will remember that tree and us.

And I will be here, waiting...